When I just don’t know what to write…

Lately I’ve been thinking about what’s going on with me because I used to write something every single week and now I just open my blog, looked at all the posts I have written and still nothing comes to mind. If you ask me what’s on my mind I will answer saying there’s loads of things… Well I guess I just need to talk and lets see what we’ll get in the end.

In this pic we can see a bit of Sao Paulo at night, but what has the fucking picture got to do with me? lol The answer for this question is quite simple, I finally decided that I’m about to do another degree next year, I will be studying Architecture and having this in mind I realized I’ve been wasting a significant time of my life with not so important things…

Life is simple, is incredible!

Most of the time, day by day we go for a walk alone or with friends and we don’t even pay attention on things around us, beautiful things such as a beautiful archaic building, or some small garden in the corner, even a poor person playing violin to get some money, we just close our eyes and ears and keep on thinking about bad relationships or fights with friends and family.

Speaking for myself I waste so much time on these things, complaining because I need a job and can’t find a good one, complaining that I cant find someone decent to have a relationship with, even though it is very difficult find someone who wants it in this big city but anyway, life is short and we don’t know what or when will be our last day alive and there are many small things which can make our life much better and we just can’t see it. A tight hug off a friend, cycling with a friend at the central park, watching the sunset at the beach, running in the morning at the beach or for those like me who live in a huge city taking the dog for a walk or having an ice cream on a sunny afternoon. Life just turns incredible when you make the best of your day and in the end you say “Oh man… I’m happy today”.

You don’t need money to be happy! If you have watched that tv show called Shameless you will know what I’m talking about. Sometimes we watch a friend’s life and we start to wonder “why is he happy and I’m not?”. What I’ve been talking about a lot in almost all my posts are positive thoughts and yet most of the time I forget to apply that in my life, sometimes we don’t need to do something big to make something happen, maybe we just need to believe its gonna happen and that’s a problem I’m working on at the moment. Sometimes I want something but it seems impossible to happen, seems like you will be never able to make it happen but I believe this can change if you want to change.

Soon I will be drawing bridges like that, houses, buildings or whatever but for now my only concern is wasting  another day not being happy!

Inspiration from Beethoven

Though still in bed,
my thoughts go out to you,
my Immortal Beloved,
now and then joyfully, then sadly,
waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us -
I can live only wholly with you or not at all – Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you
until I can fly to your arms and say
that I am really at home with you,
and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits -
Yes, unhappily it must be so -
You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you.
No one else can ever possess my heart -
never – never -
Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves.
And yet my life in V is now a wretched life – Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men -
At my age I need a steady, quiet life -
can that be so in our connection?
My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day
- therefore I must close at once
so that you may receive the letter at once
- Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence
can we achieve our purpose to live together
- Be calm – love me – today – yesterday -
what tearful longings for you -
you – you – my life – my all – farewell.
Oh continue to love me -
never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

It’s over!

Bitter or sweet memories that’s all I’m taking with me, so goodbye but please don’t cry, we both know I’m not what you need!

I remember the people’s faces when I said for the very first time that I was going to work on a cruise ship, to be honest it’s very strange write about it right now when I’m not there anymore and everything is seen like a movie in my head. But let me share my experience of 3 years with Royal Caribbean.

Looking at this picture makes me remind the sensation of getting inside of a cruise ship for the first time, it was surreal for me, once inside everything in the world out side was gone and a new world was presented in front of my eyes. Since the beginning I’d experienced new culture through people and feelings I ever thought would be possible to feel. As I always used to say “life inside is very intense”, in two weeks you are loving living and working on the ship and next one you’re depressed wanting to go back home.

Speaking about me, I had lots of bad experience living there but it doesn’t mean I didn’t have a good time, yes I did, I met some friends that I know I gonna care for the rest of my life, I saw things and visit places that I never had money to afford and working there I could see places such as The Coliseum, The Dubai Mall and Burj Khalifa, The Ferrari World in Abu Dhabi, etc.… But one day I realized that I was so full of seeing things wrong, seeing managers abusing of crew member or seen people being treated as a dog. I was working 12 to 13 hours every single day, because we were short in staffs, they could promote people from the ship but they didn’t and that’s was the moment that I saw I killing myself for nothing, because by the end of the day I was just an ID number for the central office and nobody cared about me. I waited 3 years to get transfer to a financial position which I was promoted for but Royal Caribbean is so “organized” that I never saw the color of my two stripes on my shoulders. Speaking in stripes there’s something I would like to say and it maybe be a little racist but it’s my point of view and I don’t actually care; the whole crew on board is made of 35% of Philippines plus 35% Indians plus 30% mixed people from anywhere in the world, so we do have more Indians and Philippines on every ship, my point is along the years new opportunities was coming, positions such managers or assistant manager, anyways, this people who used to be a regular crew now got the chance to be promoted and have one or more stripe and what happen after? They receive some crap of manager training and then they think they are gods on the ship and all the bad feelings they cared inside for years being crew they throw now back to the crew like a revenge! Believe some of them make our life a living hell.

A 26 years old Indian guy died on the ship, his room mate woke up in the morning and call him to work because he was late and when the curtains was open it was found a dead body, some other example of tragedy is some crew member working and when call home find out the mother or other dear person from the family died days ago. Putting everything together I did my bag and left, it’s a good experience but somehow you’re losing so much more in land, the  things I can honestly say that I’ve been missing a lot are my friends and nothing else. Relationship is something which don’t work out and if it does is really rare, but usually when you find somebody is somebody who is married out of the ship and is fucking around on there or you find someone and hook up with, then starts the drama and when you awake from that you realize that the person already have another one, well my advice is “don’t go work there thinking your life will be marvelous it’s a illusion. 

What am I gonna do now? I don’t know, but I never felt so relieved in my entire life, I’m enjoying every day as much as I can, with my family and friends, soon will come my birthday and I will feel like old times spending with people that I love.

About Royal and me, the doors remains open but I don’t think I will come back ever again, I had enough!

Sweet Dreams…

For the past few years, working on the a cruise ship I saw many kinds of romances, those ones that just work when both are drunk, those which just last for a week or less and those romances which go beyond to something more real.

And this song I dedicate to my best friend here on Adventure who found love and she wasn’t looking for it! I think this song describe the feelings they have for each other.

Every night I rush to my bed
With hopes that maybe I’ll get a chance to see you
When I close my eyes
I’m goin’ outta my head
Lost in a fairytale
Can you hold my hands and be my guide
Clouds filled with stars cover your skies
And I hope it rains
You’re the perfect lullaby

You can be a sweet dream (or a beautiful nightmare)
Either way I, don’t wanna wake up from you
(Sweet dream) or a beautiful nightmare
Somebody pinch me, your love is too good to be true
My guilty pleasure I ain’t goin’ no where
Baby long as you’re here
I’ll be floating on air cause you’re my
(You can be a sweet dream) or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don’t wanna wake up from you
Wake up from you, you

Tattoo your name across my heart
(Tattoo your name across my heart)
Not even death can make us part (ohh, ohh)
(Not even death can make us part)
Tattoo your name across my heart (ohh, ohhhh)
(Tattoo your name across my heart)
Not even death can make us part
What kind of dream is this?

I love you (3x)
Baby I love you
You are my life
My happiest moments weren’t complete
If you weren’t by my side
You’re my relation
In connection to the sun
With you next to me
There’s no darkness I can’t overcome
You are my raindrop
I am the seed
With you and God, who’s my sunlight
I bloom and grow so beautifully
Baby, I’m so proud
Proud to be your girl
You make the confusion
Go all away
From this cold and messed up world

I am in love with you
You set me free
I can’t do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause I’m Dangerously In Love with you
I’ll never leave
Just keep lovin’ me
The way I love you loving me

Every time I see your face
My heart smiles
Every time it feels so good
It hurts sometimes
Created in this world
To love and to hold
To feel
To breathe
To live you, you, you ,you, you
Dangerously In Love
I am in love with you
You set me free
I can’t do this thing (I can’t do this thing without you here with me)
Called life without you here with me
Cause I’m Dangerously In Love with you (hold me)
I’ll never leave (kiss me)
Just keep lovin’ me (love me)
The way I love you loving me
Dangerously (2x)
I love you (9x)

With all my heart I love you, baby
Stay with me and you will see
My arms will hold you, baby
Never leave, ’cause I believe
In this love, sweet love
Hear me calling out your name, I feel no shame
I’m in love, sweet love
Don’t you ever go away, it’ll always be this way
No stronger love in this world
Oh baby no, you’re my man, I’m your girl
I’ll never go, wait and see, can’t be wrong
Don’t you know this where you belong
I’m in love, sweet love
Hear me calling out your name, I feel no shame
I’m in love, sweet love
Don’t you ever go away, it’ll always be this way
…
Just love me sweetly baby,
Just do love me sweetly baby, eh eh
Don’t, nobody will know, uh uh
Baby I, I’m in love with you
I can’t do this thing
Called life without you
Dangerously in love

Judgmental or Honest?

Sometimes in life time are you willing to make this question to yourself?

Everybody in the world can judge even without words, for example, you are walking down the streets going for lunch and you come across with some other person wearing a ridiculous out fit, you don’t need to stop the person to said that she or he looks awful but you just give the “what the fuck look”, am I right? Yes I am.

But when it turns to a relationship how can we control ourselves of being too judgmental or too honest? When you have the very first date with a person and the experience is really bad, let’s say that the girls went to a date and this guy somehow had a bad kiss you or a bad breath, is she being judgmental telling him the truth or honest? Or the situation is inverse, she had a great night with the guy, he really had a good kiss but for him would be only one night standing, because his the type of guy who doesn’t look for relationship but the girl is but she really liked that night and she lie telling him they are in the same page only to get to know him better and enjoy some more of good kisses.

When we can be honest with something that we do like or not? And how is the consequences of being honest and judgmental?

I am a judgmental person, actually that’s what people say, but for me I like to see myself as a honest person, if one person is hitting on me and I don’t like, not attracted to this person for sure I will tell straight away I’m not interested. Why some people keep hold another person if they are not even interested? I always say the true sometimes is very ugly but is necessary, its like an injection that hurts in the action minute but the next day is healed and the person is moving on again with the life.

But going back to the girl example, what is the consequences of not being yourself and completely not honest, let’s say the guy start to like her but one day he just throw the true in your face saying “ you a very nice girl, beautiful girl but I’m looking to a serious person, a person who I can have a relationship”, I’m pretty sure you are going to think “what the fuck is that mean?” “he said he didn’t want this now what?” Yes so now the girl is just not the one for him because now she is just a girl who he could go to have fun but he couldn’t see a serious girl to develop feelings and turn into a relationship. Is that any solution for this situation? You might not have a second chance but you’ll never know unless you try starting with the truth. What is the risks? None! You don’t have him anymore, so you wont lose what you don’t have!

Speaking a little bit more of being judgmental, coming from a judgmental person, me, I can say that sometimes is necessary but most of the time we need to learn to keep for us and don’t say whatever our opinion is, because sometimes really can hurt a person or not, every person have a limit and when you cross that limit you can be in dangerous, i f you’re dealing with a madman or madwoman you can end-up dead or with bruises. But if is a very sentimental person this with cost years and years of therapy because this poor person will never be able to forget and move on.

Well I hope I help you with that… and also help myself with some similar situations!

What doesn’t kill you makes you Stronger!

Bad situations always come to your life which sometimes makes you more stronger but sometimes makes you wonder what is the meaning of everything around you. When it comes to general relationship on the cruise ship, it turns to be even more complicated and when I say relationship I’m involving friendship, coworkers, managers, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.

This is the third time that I put myself on a ship and these kind of situations already jumped in front of me confronting things I’d planned before and sometimes even trying so hard to get your objective done you see there’s no more way out, then you feel lost, starting to feel bad and depressed and more negative things is attracted to your life, but for me it’s not working this way because I found the way back. Some people when depressed they have a key to turn all the negative emotions to a happy feeling or a good mood as I can say, some of them get this just listening one happy song, others loud songs and cleaning something, others by singing, anyways, my point is those things is not shocking me anymore because when I see something bad is getting into my thoughts I already start to think about some good moments that I had with good friends, sometimes its just a little thing, like being at home and laughing with some friend even if it’s from a computer conversation or going night out and having some fun with special friends.

I made a lot of promises to myself before come to the ship and some of them didn’t work, for example I promise I would not drink anymore, bullshit I know! lol But I promise myself I would be happy no matter what and when something not good is getting into my head I remind myself this promise and I try kick this feelings away. What I can say is: I’m not having the best time of my life, everything is not that good, not at all, but I am happy!

I’m a lucky guy because I have lots of special friends but when it comes to Royal Caribbean I can definitely say this contract is not the same without of the these 2 crazy girls, I love them so very much and what makes me stronger is the good memories that we spent together.

Love you all…

The first week…

Right now I’m at a coffee shop in Valencia-Spain, and haven’t been ale to write since I got on the ship, for those who work on it know exactly what the first week is, full of trainings and things to do. In my case I didn’t have much trainings but I did have loads of things to do. I started working on the casino bar, the guy who was working there before me took off all the glasses from the pantry which means when I got there there wasn’t no glasses at all, fucking bastard! At least I got my bar in order but it wasn’t hat hard. I got on the ship and was wondering to see my French friend Jerome who I got to see only in my third day after one training and once again on the sea day at the crew bar at night time, and yes, we definitely got drunk and he introduced me for a lot of people, it was a funny night though.

Well… When it comes to my plans, I still have them and I already started to work on it, I have talked with some people, important people I can say and this time I’m not going in the easy way, I’m doing exactly the way one friend of mine told me to do, Ludmyla, and I’m planning to talk to the hotel director this week, think I gonna get what I want this time, no matter what!

I miss my home, I miss some friends as well I think I lost some of them with this life on board, but that’s ok, some go away and new ones come to my life, I met two amazing girls in my first day, signing on with me, one is from UK her name is Clare and the other one is a funny girls rom the Central America, her name is Cathy and I had some good time with them as well.

My first week was good compared to the others ships the I’ve been working in the past 3 years, I don’t have much expectations this time, I just have my plans and I know how to do this time. Still getting to know the people around and of course I’m the new fresh fish on board of Adventure of the Seas and there’s still people wondering with I’m single, married or making those kinds of question that I said on the last post.

Well I’m sorry for not being able to write every week as I used to do before but I promise I will try do more often. I need go back to ship now, there’s work waiting for me! Lol